Unwrapping the Gift of Friendship and Finding Wholeness

In this episode of 'Steps to Trusting,' Erin Michelle explores the profound role of friendship in our lives, viewing it as a divine gift. She emphasizes that genuine friendships allow us to be fully ourselves without the need to hide. Erin discusses the concept of Shalom, a Hebrew word for peace and wholeness, advocating for a life of completeness rather than fragmented existence. She shares personal anecdotes about how God uses friendships to encourage and teach us. Erin also reflects on the importance of not hiding our struggles and sins, highlighting that perfect love casts out fear, as mentioned in Bible verses such as James 1:17, Romans 8:1, and John 1:4, 18. The episode calls for embracing peace, recognizing God as the source of all good gifts, and encourages listeners to share these insights and experiences with friends.

00:00 Introduction and Purpose

01:12 Reflecting on Friendship

02:00 Acknowledging Friendship as a Gift

04:54 The Source of All Gifts

06:55 A Story of Friendship and Encouragement

11:09 Choosing Shalom

13:03 Living Authentically in Friendship

18:09 Final Thoughts and Encouragement

25:15 Closing and Call to Action

Transcript

58-Unwrapping the Gift of Friendship and Finding Wholeness
[00:00:00] Erin: Hi, I'm Erin Michelle. You found yourself at Steps to Trusting where it's my goal to meet you where you are in your faith journey and to encourage you to continue to transfer trust from yourself and your actions to the God who is enough. If you are like me and you need to be reminded over and over that you never had to do it all, 

[00:00:16] that you don't need to be enough because we trust a God who is, then you are in the right place. 

[00:00:22] In this episode, we're going to be talking about the role of friendship in your life and your role in friendship. If you have or want friendships where neither of you have to hide, and you can show up as fully yourself, then this episode is for you. whenever we're entering a new year, I enjoy the process of both looking back at the year behind and looking forward to the year ahead. I was talking to a friend the other day, and she used the words reflecting and resetting. And I really like that. I like thinking about as we reflect and see how things went, how things have been, we can also have little resets in our life so that as we look forward, we can take those lessons, those things that we're learning with us.

[00:01:09] I have done a lot of reflection over the last several years about friendship. 

[00:01:13] And it feels right that as we start a new year, that I share some of that reflection. and resets that I have put in place in my life and that I'm trying to put in place in my life with you. And since we'll be talking about relationship and friendship, I wanted to start by acknowledging friendship as a gift

[00:01:33] For those of you that are new to the show, welcome friends.

[00:01:38] I wanted to break the ice right here. If a friend sent you this podcast, it's because they want to tell you that you are a gift in their life. We'll talk about this more later, but I thought I'd start there.

[00:01:50] To my friend who stands beside me, through challenges and hardship, you are a gift. To the one who sits with me while I laugh or while I cry, you are a gift. to the friend that it seems as years separate us, but the memories remain, you are a gift. To the friend where it doesn't feel easy like it once did, you are a gift.

[00:02:13] To the friend who calls and encourages me when I need it, Who listens when I'm down. You are a gift. To the friend who sends the text at just the right time. You are a gift. To the friend we don't get to see as much as we would like. You are a gift. To my friends that I have let down by my busy schedule or my careless words, I'm sorry, and you are a gift. To my friends that we have grown into different places, may God bless you where he has planted you.

[00:02:45] You are a gift. To my friends who stand beside me and share laughter and tears, you are a gift. To my friends who have come and gone. Our time together was a blessing. You are a gift.

[00:03:00] To all my friends. I am thankful for you. You are a gift. I wanted to start here because in friendship we give and receive gifts.

[00:03:09] The things that we offer each other, the time that we share, the kind words that we share are all gifts.

[00:03:17] Friends, as I have been learning about friendship. Yep. And I have reflected back. I have seen that friends in our life, no matter how long we spend together, are gifts.

[00:03:29] And as I look forward, I want to Cause this reset in my heart to be reminded that my friends and what they have to offer me are gifts.

[00:03:40] Sometimes we focus so much on how it used to be or what has changed that we forget to see the gift that was given. And sometimes we focus so much on the person and what they have to offer or what we haven't been able to receive in that friendship. And we forget to look at the source of the gift.

[00:03:59] recently on the podcast, we've touched on this concept of God being our source. And I wanted to touch on it just a little bit here. That when friends in our lives are a gift, when they have something good to offer us, it's because they first received it from the Lord.

[00:04:16] A verse that encourages me often is from James 1 17 and it says every good gift and every perfect gift is from above coming down from the father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

[00:04:30] I come back to this verse often because it reminds me that what I'm receiving is a gift, if my friends have something good to offer me, it's because they first received it from the Lord.

[00:04:43] I think this reframing allows us to actually see the friends that we have as the gift that they are. That we could actually look and see that God gave them time to be with us. He gave us the commonalities of the things that we connect on. He gave us

[00:05:04] The ability to empathize or encourage. He gave us the wisdom

[00:05:08] or the words to say in the moments when we're together.

[00:05:12] He allowed for the space on just the day that you needed a listening ear.

[00:05:17] And I think when I look at God as the source of all gifts in my life, and I'm able to see that friendships fall into that, that God is the source of my friendships, he's the source of what friends have to offer me, it deepens how I look at the importance of what I've been offered by friends.

[00:05:37] We talked about this on the last episode, episode 57, entitled embracing contentment and recognizing gifts. If you haven't listened to that yet, I encourage you to go back and listen to that episode as well.

[00:05:52] Let's jump next to a story. This story includes two of my very close friends, and at the time, I felt very insecure about acknowledging how close each of them were in my life. And that's because this story falls in the middle of a bigger story.

[00:06:09] Where I felt that I had to hide friendships in my life to protect people's feelings.

[00:06:15] But let's start in the middle.

[00:06:17] The story goes like this. One of my friends shared with me a song that she thought would encourage me. And as I reflect back, I can see that she offered me the gift of knowing me and caring enough to send me something that would encourage my faith.

[00:06:31] As the week progressed, talking with my other friend, I realized that she too needed this encouragement. And so I sent the song that I first received. But I didn't acknowledge where the song came from. Because as I said, I was nervous to share about things going on in other friendships in my life.

[00:06:50] as God would have it and orchestrate the circumstances of our lives, God had those two friends together one day. And as they talked and as they discussed. The song receiver actually became the song sender and began to encourage that very same friend who sent the song to me with the same encouragement that she offered me, this friend, however, was not intimidated to say the source of the song, she shared that I had sent it to her and they both got a good laugh out of it, recognizing that the sending happened in a circle and was pouring back into the very friend that poured in to me. You see, when you look at the situation, you see that I was just the center portion. I wasn't the source of the gift that was offered and actually even the sender, 

[00:07:39] was not the originator of the gift, but one that poured a gift in to me.

[00:07:45] Which allowed me to have something to pour into another.

[00:07:49] when they relayed the story to me, it just showed me how big my God is. And how the body of Christ works together. I got to have an outside picture where I was afraid that these friends would be threatened by each other, but instead I got to see that because I am friends with both of them, they each are encouraged. 

[00:08:13] And isn't it beautiful that the very gift that was poured from one friend through me and to another, made it back to the original sender

[00:08:23] the story has been an encouragement to me. we need the body of Christ. We need people to speak in with the gifts that they have. We need people to share the wisdom and the encouragement that they're learning. Because that's how the body of Christ works. As one pours, another receives, and they have something to pour, something to offer.

[00:08:44] This is a building point in my faith, it encourages me to see that friendships we have are not in competition with one another, we don't need to hide our stories, 

[00:08:55] because in the body of Christ we are not in competition.

[00:08:58] But that God actually multiplies what we have to offer and can give it to the whole body, not just to one. And if we, as the body of Christ, talk about what God is doing in our lives, if we pour out the blessings that we have received, the gifts that we have received, then God will continue to distribute them to the rest of the body.

[00:09:20] I tell you this story for several reasons. One is to acknowledge that yes, the body of Christ pours into each other, as one pours encouragement that God is speaking to their heart.

[00:09:32] I also share this story because as I find myself at the beginning of the new year, I often both look back and look forward and try and pick a word that I think God is working in my life. Sometimes I pick a word of what God has been teaching me. Sometimes I pick a word of something I know God needs to teach me.

[00:09:53] And this year I'm picking the word Shalom. And this word encompasses what God has been teaching me, but what I still need to walk in the fullness of, Shalom in our language is often translated as peace. But as I look at books, like Cornelius Plantanga's Not the Way It's Supposed to be, A Brevity of Sin.

[00:10:14] Or looking at the Hebrew translation of what Shalom means. I've gotten this bigger understanding that Shalom is more than just peace. I see that it means wholeness. Shalom is a completeness. Shalom is restored to the way it was made to be. It's a restoration. The Bible Project has a great video on Shalom, talking about this idea of completion, restoration.

[00:10:42] I chose this word because I need wholeness in my life. I need restoration in my life. Sometimes as I show myself to others, I feel like there are pieces that I'm hiding, like I'm fractured and only some pieces of myself are acceptable.

[00:11:00] When there are pieces of ourself that we feel we have to set aside to enter into a relationship,

[00:11:05] we don't fully get to experience in a circle from one to the other to the other and back again.

[00:11:12] We miss some of these experiences. You see, in my example, I was afraid to share a portion of where the song came from, but sometimes in my life, and I wonder if sometimes in yours, there are things that we don't share because of fear.

[00:11:29] As I'm looking at this reset of Shalom in my life, I want to invite you to do the same, to look at the places in your life where you feel like you have something that you're hiding, something that you're afraid of, something that you don't want others to see. Friend, if that is sin in your life, I want to encourage you and point you to look at what God did when Adam and Eve hid, he came and he found them and he made a covering for them God continues to make this work of covering for you and for me. In John 1, 4, 18, it says, There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear, for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

[00:12:14] And in Romans 8, 1, it says, There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. Friends, there is no condemnation. There is no reason to hide. There is no reason that you can't walk into relationships being fully yourself and fully known and fully loved. This is a gift we can give in friendship. We can give this gift because we have been given this gift. We have been given the gift of forgiveness. We have been given this freedom in our lives. The truth is, God sees you. You are fully seen and fully loved.

[00:12:57] What I have to offer you, I am not the source of. God is the source. But God has poured into me the fact that perfect love casts out fear. We don't have to be afraid of what people will think of us. We can show up as fully ourselves and God will use us.

[00:13:13] On one hand, we're talking about sin. We're talking about the fact that we don't have to hide our sin. And in relationship, this looks very confusing because sometimes what we have to hide, what we want to hide, it's hard to figure out the category it even fits we want to protect those we care about.

[00:13:31] We want to protect those that we love.

[00:13:34] Hiding details of our lives, not just to be considerate, but out of fear. Friends, true peace, shalom in your life doesn't look like a fractured existence. It doesn't look like putting aside pieces of yourself to protect others, or for fear of what people will think of you, or for fear of who will be hurt.

[00:13:56] No, I'm not saying don't be considerate. I'm not saying be inconsiderate, but I am saying show up as fully yourself.

[00:14:03] The places that you

[00:14:05] have struggled and God has met you. When you share how God has met you, when you share that God is with you, it encourages the faith of those around you.

[00:14:17] Your story matters. Showing up as your authentic self, showing people your heart, showing people the things God is working in your life, including your failures, not claiming and holding on to Those failures, but claiming and holding on to Christ's righteousness on our behalf, putting on the breastplate of righteousness that comes only from the Lord and walking in readiness with the gospel of peace. Ephesians five, Verse 14, Stand therefore having fastened the belt of truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and as for shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. that word for peace is the Greek word for shalom.

[00:15:04] By the gospel of peace, the gospel of completeness and fullness, not fractured, not separated, whole. Friends, that verse I was just talking about comes from Ephesians and comes from the armor of God. If you want to know more about that, I encourage you to look back at Episode 55, When Are Not Enoughness Meets God's Abundance. And to look at putting on the full armor of God.

[00:15:31] But if we are gods, if we find ourselves in him, if we have turned to him in confession and for forgiveness, then we wear the breastplate of righteousness that is not our righteousness, but it is God's that we have nothing to hide.

[00:15:45] We are covered in his righteousness,

[00:15:49] This reset is what I want to encourage you to look at as you look forward at the year ahead. 

[00:15:55] Friends, it's in Broken Friendship that I learned the biggest transformation of my life. I don't know how to talk about who I am without acknowledging that I learned it because I couldn't be everything I wanted to be. I learned it because I let people down. I learned it because other people's expectations and my own expectations were higher than I could fulfill.

[00:16:20] And friends, It was heartbreaking and it was hard,

[00:16:23] but it has brought gifts into my life. It has brought an understanding of God's grace and my need for him in a deeper way. And I say that to you now. Not to hurt , but to heal and to be honest, because if I can say that I've been through a very challenging friendship, then I can also say in a very challenging friendship, I learned that I never needed to be enough. 

[00:16:46] I learned though I would try and try and try, I could never fulfill the need. And my heart and my friend's heart to be accepted or to have belonging because I'm not the source. And I tell you that not as a condemnation of the friend, not a condemnation of myself, but as a picture of what happens over and over in our lives, over and over in relationship.

[00:17:14] I have used this lesson every single day as I. Catch myself trying to be what my kids need on a daily basis and knowing that I'm not going to make all of their problems go away. I'm not going to do everything right or say everything right. And the flip side is true. They are not going to do everything right or say everything right or be what I need for fulfillment. Now friends, I know that my story and your story are not exactly the same. I know that, that that may not be the struggle in your life. The thing that feels fractured. But I invite you to look at what Shalom would look like in your life. What would showing up as fully yourself look like in your life? Are there pieces that you hide for fear of what people will think? Are there pieces that you hide because of things that happened in the past and you don't know how to move forward?

[00:18:16] I know that when we walk through hard things, we come away with baggage and we come away with fear and we come away with this desire to hide. Friends, I invite you to stop hiding. To walk in God's peace, to know that there is no condemnation. There is no reason to hide.

[00:18:34] And so I say, friend,

[00:18:36] I hope that you receive this encouragement

[00:18:38] I hope that I can pour it into you because I have felt the peace, and I am learning that perfect love casts out fear. I don't need to hide experiences that have happened to my life. I don't need to let fear of what happened in my past change my future. I can let instead God repair what has been broken. I can confess to Him the places where I have failed, the things that I have done wrong, and I can be honest about His grace and His mercy in my life.

[00:19:10] And I pray that that encourages you. And I pray that it gives you something to pour into someone else. And I pray that as we continue to pour, that the body of Christ will be built. I'm not saying that you have to share everything with everyone, but friends, I encourage you to first with God look at what are the places that I'm hiding and to confess them to the Lord, to ask him to make you whole, to give you peace. And friend, Even if there is not peace between you and another, I want to let you know that you can be whole. You can be whole because our righteousness is not ours alone. What God has forgiven, what God is working in your life, when you know and walk in freedom before him, you don't have to hide it. You can tell people what God is doing in your life and that pouring will pour into another. And then they will have something to give to another and another and another. You don't have to hide the lesson that you learned in hardship.

[00:20:18] When you share what God is doing in your life, when you show up as fully yourself, when you show up as one who has been forgiven, who wears God's righteousness and not your own, Who is willing to say, I have made mistakes. I have walked in mistakes. I have done things wrong and God is working. God is the one who is enough.

[00:20:40] He is the one who is changing. He is the one who is transforming. He is the one that brings peace.

[00:20:47] Friends, I invite you to look at God and to Look at where you can stop striving and trying to be enough and turn to the God who is enough on our behalf.

[00:20:58] And as we share who we are, as we show up and speak about what God is doing in our lives, let the encouragement that you have flow into the one who sits in front of you. This is a gift we can give in friendship. For friendship is a gift. Friends are a gift. The good that they have to offer you is a gift. The time that they sit in front of you and listen is a gift. Receive from these friends the gifts that they have to pour to us. Each of us are limited. We can't meet the expectations that everyone has for us. And yet what we do have to offer is a gift, a gift that we first received from God as our source. And we can then pour into our friends around us.

[00:21:46] If you have received kindness or love, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, someone to laugh with, A phone call of encouragement. A song that someone thought of you.

[00:21:58] Friend, receive this as a gift. And be reminded, little or big, the things our friends offer us are gifts from the God above. You don't need to hide a part of yourself for you to be a gift. You can show up with the peace of God, his righteousness as your breastplate.

[00:22:17] You can show up as the gift that you are. You are a gift. 

[00:22:22] At the end of every episode, I ask you to share it with a friend.

[00:22:25] And today I ask again, share this episode with a friend who is a gift in your life. Or has been a gift in your life or you want to be a gift in theirs. Let this conversation guide you as you talk about your friendship. Let it help you to be thankful and let it help you to be honest about what's going on in the background. Will you first see them as a gift with their and their faults? Will you share? The gifts that you have received, the encouragement

[00:22:57] that we don't have to hide the broken pieces, the failures of our life, but we show up as who we are and God will use us in the body of Christ. Let's pray. 

[00:23:08] Dear God, I pray that you'd help us to walk in wholeness, God. That we wouldn't let fear fracture us, that we wouldn't let expectations of others fracture us, that we wouldn't hide. Lord, even our sin,

[00:23:22] we can confess to you, Lord, and you cover us, Lord. We have no reason to fear. There is no condemnation in Jesus Christ. And so God, I ask you that you help us to walk knowing who we are, Lord, and knowing who you are and what you've done for us, Lord, help us to speak of the changes and the growth that you have done in our lives. I pray that you would use our little

[00:23:47] to strengthen the body of Christ. I pray that you would give us courage to show up as who we fully are, Lord. That we would be reminded that our faults, our failures, our is all covered by you, Lord.

[00:24:02] Remind us that we never had to be enough because you are, oh God. And it's in Jesus name that I pray. Amen. 

[00:24:10] Friends, if you were encouraged today, please like, subscribe, and like I said, share with a friend. If you want to connect with me, you can do that over at ErinMichelle. net.

[00:24:20] Thanks so much for joining me today. I hope that you join us back here next time, but until then, I 10. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. Friends, I'm praying for you as you keep on stepping. See you next time.