Friendship: Flourishing or Failing

In this episode of 'Steps to Trusting,' Erin Michele discusses the how friendship, points our attention to God. Flourishing in friendship points to God’s blessing and failure in friendship points to our need for God. Erin recounts her personal journey, emphasizing how her own struggles in friendship illuminated her dependence on God's grace. She cites scriptures like James 1:17 and Colossians 1:17 to underscore that both the successes and failures in relationships point to the need for God's intervention. Reflecting on Peter's walk on water in Matthew 14:22-33, Erin encourages listeners to fix their gaze on Jesus amid challenges. She ends by stressing that our value lies not in our efforts but in our God given identity, urging listeners to abide in Him as per John 15:5.

00:00 Welcome and Introduction

00:20 Series on Friendship

01:33 Friendship as a Gift from God

03:18 Friendship's Failures and God's Role

04:34 Biblical Lessons on Friendship

05:46 Peter Walks on Water: A Lesson in Faith

07:55 Personal Reflections and Struggles

13:08 Dependence on God in All Aspects

17:13 Closing Thoughts and Prayer

18:36 Final Encouragement and Farewell

Transcript

The Confidence You’re Missing: What Friendship Struggles Reveal

[00:00:00] Erin: Hi, I'm Erin Michelle. You found yourself at Steps to Trusting where it's my goal to meet you where you are in your faith journey and to encourage you to continue to transfer trust from yourself and your actions to the God who is enough. If you are like me and need to be reminded over and over that you never had to do it, all, that we don't have to be enough because we trust a God who is, then you are in the right place.

[00:00:20] This podcast is coming at the tail end of a cluster of episodes focused in on friendship.

[00:00:25] In that little mini series we've discussed things like recognizing your friends as gifts, the importance of honesty and vulnerability in relationship, the weight of expectations and the hardship that it could be to try and live up to the expectations that you put on yourself or others put on you.

[00:00:42] As well as the hope that we find when we place our identity in who God says we are, instead of trying to earn it in friendship and relationship.

[00:00:50] On the last episode, episode 60, I said friendship points to God, and that's where we're going to start how could friendship point to God.

[00:01:00] Dear God, I thank you for this time to be together. I thank you that we can talk freely about friendship, Lord, that we can be reminded that our identity is not in how others see us, Lord, but in who you say that we are. And Lord, I pray that you would help us as we live out our identity, that you would help us to be good friends, that you would help us to love each other well, Lord, and I pray that we feel your presence in areas that feel hard in friendship, God.

[00:01:25] You are our healer. Please come and heal these relationships and heal our hurt. And it's in Jesus name that I pray, amen. Alright friends, let's jump in.

[00:01:33] I believe that friendship points to God.

[00:01:36] When friendship is flourishing, when we can see the friends in front of us as the gift that they are, that God provided them for us, that points to God. It points to God as his blessing.

[00:01:48] It shows us the way that he has provided for us.

[00:01:52] We started the series saying friendship is a gift from God. And you may wonder why do we start there? To some this might feel very apparent.

[00:02:00] But to me, that's something that I had to learn. I spent a lot of time thinking that friendship was something that I had because of how I acted. And yes, I do think that That when we are kind and loving, friendship deepens.

[00:02:16] And yet I had failed to see that if there is anything good in me, that that is from God. I say this verse a lot, but James 1 17 says, every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, in whom there is no shadow or variation due to change. I didn't recognize that the good things That I had like kindness or patience or time to go spend with a friend. I didn't recognize that those things in themselves were gifts from God. I could have those gifts in my life, which gave me the ability to pour into a friend, which gave us the ability to have friendship, then all of those things were from the Lord.

[00:03:01] The problem for me, though, was that I didn't recognize that while I was standing in friendship. When I recognize that friendship is a gift from God, is when my striving got me to the end and I still felt like something in front of me was broken. And so I also believe that When friendship fails, it also points to God. It points to our need for God. It points to the fact that there's something inside each of us that only God can fill. Friends can't fill that. Friends can pour God's love. Friends can offer what they first received as gifts making God the source.

[00:03:43] But friends cannot fill the void where only God is needed to fill.

[00:03:49] So yes, I think friendship in its flourishing and in its failure, point us to God. They point to His provision, and they point to our need for Him.

[00:03:59] Colossians 1 17 says, He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. I believe that this is true about friendship. That when we fail in friendship, that when we have disagreements, or distractions, or, Things that pull us away from being in a thriving friendship.

[00:04:19] It reminds us that only God is the one who can hold all things together, including friendship.

[00:04:26] This lesson of my deep need for God is something that I couldn't understand until my own abilities failed.

[00:04:34] Friends, I've really been looking at friendship closely over the last couple years. I've been trying to look at it and learn what biblical friendship is supposed to be like.

[00:04:43] Because of the fact that I have found places where I've struggled in friendship. I also shared on the last episode when a friendship I had was struggling, the thing that I chose to do was try and fix it, to show up and be more available. Or accommodating or inclusive. And I did my best to do this because I love the friend that I was having conflict with.

[00:05:09] This series has been a hard one for me to share because my story includes other people. It includes people I consider friends and I don't want to hurt them. And I know how much I struggled when friendship felt hard. I know how much I needed truth in my life.

[00:05:27] And I think God has allowed me to see some things that I want to share with you. It's not that I have it all figured out. It's that I have seen God show up in my life and teach me these lessons. Partially because of my own failure.

[00:05:40] In this journey to learn about friendship, to learn about My need for God. Over and over, God is drawing my attention back to the passage where Peter walks on water.

[00:05:53] In Matthew 14:22 through 33.

[00:05:57] There's so many ways that God has used this passage in my life over the last several years. But what He's using in my life right now, is Peter's gaze fixed on Jesus. And what He was able to do when His gaze Eyes were fixed on Jesus when he recognized that he was walking in Jesus's power toward Jesus. Let me read the passage. We're gonna start in Matthew 1427. So Jesus is already walking on the water, and they're all afraid, and, but Jesus said to them, take courage, it is I, don't be afraid. Lord, if it is you, Peter replied, tell me to come out on the water. Come, he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat and walked on the water and came toward Jesus, but when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink, he cried out, Lord, save me.

[00:06:50] Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. You of little faith, he said, why did you doubt? And then they climbed into the boat and the wind died down and those who were in the boat worshipped him, saying, truly, you are the son of God.

[00:07:06] What God is working in my heart right now is the reminder of Jesus's nearness, the reminder that, Peter was able to walk on the water because Jesus called him out, because Jesus enabled him to do it. In verse 30 it says, But when he saw the wind he was afraid, and beginning to sink, he cried out, Lord, save me. I just think of myself, if I were in a situation walking on water, and all of a sudden I start looking at my own feet, thinking, wow, look what I'm doing, look where I'm going, look at what's happening around me, And he sees the wind, and he's afraid, and he realizes, I can't do this, and he calls out to Jesus, Lord, save me.

[00:07:55] This is the place where I find myself over and over, where I found myself in friendship, where God had given me the ability to be a friend, to have a friend. To walk in love and when I started looking at myself and my own ability to maintain friendship, to do it right, to say the right things, to have the amount of time to show up correctly,

[00:08:21] But when I started looking at the wind I started looking at the challenges in life and seeing that I couldn't do it on my own. I was looking everywhere but Jesus. I was looking to my own ability. I was trying to stop the wind myself. Friends, we can't do this. Only God can give us what we need to walk in faith.

[00:08:45] How he asks us to walk.

[00:08:47] Friend, I want to encourage you. In the moments that you feel like you are sinking. Like friendship may be failing. Like you can't do the thing that God is calling you to do. It's a blessing. I want to remind you it's a blessing. It points to God. It points to our need for Him. It points to the resources and the provision that He's already provided in our life that we were able to do it for a time.

[00:09:14] And when we can no longer do it, when we find ourselves afraid and sinking.

[00:09:21] It reminds us we can't trust ourselves. We can't trust our circumstances, but we need to look to God like Peter did as he called out.

[00:09:31] And Jesus was gracious as he reached out his hand and helped him immediately.

[00:09:36] He says, Oh, you of little faith, why did you doubt?

[00:09:39] And when I look at that, I think about Peter doubting that he could walk on water.

[00:09:45] But that's not where the doubt was. The doubt was in Jesus. The doubt was that Jesus wasn't enough that Peter could walk on water.

[00:09:56] Friends, can we trust that God is enough? To do the thing that he calls us to do. Can we trust that he is the source of our friendship? Can we focus our eyes on him and see that every good thing that we were are able to walk out, it is supported by Jesus.

[00:10:13] In my story, I needed to see a friendship fail to see that God was the one who was holding me, not the water.

[00:10:22] Like Peter, it wasn't the water. It wasn't his ability or his feet or his shoes.

[00:10:27] But God is the one who is holding it together. And this passage encourages me to look at God and step where he calls me to step. And then when he calls me to step, that my security is not on how well I do it, or if I have the right shoes on, but my security is in God. God and who he made me to be.

[00:10:49] Friends, when, when friendship fell apart for me, I needed to grieve what was lost. I grieved the loss of a friend. I grieved the loss of our time together. I grieved the loss of being understood.

[00:11:03] But I also grieved some hidden losses that I didn't understand at the time. A friend told me once, Erin, it hurts to die to yourself. I think that is also part of the grief that I had to walk through. I had to walk through losing false securities like my ability to hold a friendship together. I had to walk through losing something that was built on myself and my own actions and my own time instead of letting it be built on.

[00:11:32] Who God made me to be

[00:11:33] I didn't understand it at the time, and I still don't fully understand it, but I felt what it feels like to die to yourself. I felt pieces of myself that I put my trust in being taken away, being stripped out of my life. The identity of good friend pulled away.

[00:11:53] The self sufficiency

[00:11:55] of finding my value in how I acted or how other people saw me stripped away. These are false identities and false values. Friendship is good, but if my identity is placed on these things, they are things that needed to go, because I needed to hear not from my ability who I was, but from my God who I am, even when friendships fail, even when I can't be a good enough friend, friend, my hope in sharing that I've gone through a broken friendship with you, is not getting stuck. On the fact of broken friendships, not getting bogged down by the details of what happened and who said what and how it hurt. But instead to invite you into the process of healing.

[00:12:44] To invite you into seeing that friend you were never meant to be enough in anyone's lives. To fulfill the needs that they have. We will fall short. Others will fall short of what we need. And yet, what we have, what we offer, is a beautiful gift that we first receive from God.

[00:13:05] Friendship isn't the only place where I've learned this lesson. I've been struggling to sleep recently. And I'll wake up and I'll try a new pillow and a different position thinking that if I could just find the right position, if I could just do it right, then I would get more sleep. Do you know there's a Bible verse that says God gives sleep to those he loves? I've so taken sleep for granted in my life for a long time, thinking I was a great sleeper. It has taken not sleeping well for a while and receiving that gift of sleep again to be reminded that God is the one who gives us sleep and rest and health.

[00:13:46] And you know what has been helping me fall back asleep? It's Not trying to find the perfect position, although I do try to find a comfortable position. But to let my mind wander to who God is. To be reminded that if I am receiving sleep, it's because it's from God who loves me.

[00:14:05] And it's a reminder, another lesson of me learning the same thing that I had to learn in friendship. The same thing that I've had to learn when breath was difficult for people in our family. To shift my eyes off of what I can do, what we can do, into what God has done and what he is doing. God gives sleep.

[00:14:26] God gives breath. Every breath is from him. Every good night's sleep is from him. Every friendship is from him. Every kind word is from him. Every time you've been loved.

[00:14:38] And felt seen

[00:14:39] is a gift from God. And when we feel this blessing, when we receive it in our hands, when we hold the goodness that he offers, it points to him.

[00:14:50] And when our hands feel empty and we don't have the good that we wanted, when we can't sleep, when breath doesn't come easy, when friendships are hard, when people don't accept us or we say the wrong thing, or they say the wrong thing, that points to him too. Because the gift is not what fulfills us, but the giver of the gifts is the source. They point to him. They point to his character and his mercy and his grace. They point to his love and our need for God.

[00:15:22] Friends, I was thinking about this podcast and last night, I woke up in the middle of the night

[00:15:27] And I realized that what I needed in sleep is the same thing I need to be reminded every single day to look to God, to be thankful when I a blessing

[00:15:40] and to be thankful. That I see my need, that I see that I need God and that He's there. , friend, there's a song we've been singing at church called Abide.

[00:15:51] It talks about our dependence on Him. And the words have felt like they're for me. For each waking breath, we depend on God. For

[00:16:01] our sleep at night, we depend on God. For our kindness, for our friendships, for our relationships with our family, we depend on God. We need him to move our hearts, in our lives. We need him to give us the ability to love each other well. We need him to give us the ability to forgive.

[00:16:22] We need him to help us be honest.

[00:16:24] We need our eyes on him.

[00:16:26] John 15, 5 says, I am the vine and you are the branches. If you remain in me and I remain in you, you will bear much fruit. But apart from me, you can do nothing. , friends,

[00:16:37] It doesn't always sound like good news to hear that we can do nothing without God. But it is good news. It's good when we realize that we can't do anything without him. And when you find your own failure, will you let it point to your need for God? Will you let it remind you, you don't need to try harder, you don't need to do better.

[00:16:59] What you need is to turn to God and be reminded. What you have always needed, is the love of God and Jesus sacrifice in your life.

[00:17:08] It's good. When we can see that what we needed was Him all along.

[00:17:13] I'm going to pray for us. Dear God, I pray that you would help us to abide, Lord. That you would help us to put our eyes on you, God. That you would remind us that when something in our life is abundant and flourishing, it points to you. And we thank you now, Lord. I pray that you'd help us to take time to, to think about those blessings and thank you for them.

[00:17:35] And God when things we have fail, God, they fail to fulfill us or they fail to support us or give us the value that we hoped for, God, I thank you that that points to our need for you. Lord, I thank you that you give us opportunities to realize that we don't just need to trust the gifts and trust ourselves, Lord, but that those gifts point to you.

[00:17:59] They've always pointed to you, Lord, and the failure and the limitedness of those gifts remind us that you are what we need, not just the good things that you offer, God. I thank you for friendships. I thank you that you are working, Lord, and I pray for those who are listening that are struggling and hurting, Lord, and grieving even the loss of their own false identities where they tried to be enough God.

[00:18:28] I pray that you would help them as those things fall away and help them to see that what they need is you. It's in Jesus name that I pray. Amen.

[00:18:36] Friends, thank you for joining me today. If you enjoyed this series on friendship, don't worry, there is plenty more to come in the conversations I've already recorded, as well as some projects that I've been working on. the topic of friendship is weaved throughout this podcast. So subscribe so you don't miss more to come.

[00:18:56] But also I encourage you to go back starting back at episode 57 talking about our friends as gifts.

[00:19:03] This topic of friendship is near to my heart because it's what I needed to hear what and how God changed me as he allowed my self sufficiency to be stripped away. Friends, I want more people who feel like they are sinking to hear this truth.

[00:19:22] So I ask if you were encouraged, please like, subscribe and share with a friend so that they can hear the truth that they don't have to be enough because we trust a God who is. I hope you join us back here next time, but until then, I wanted to leave you with this reminder from Ephesians 2.

[00:19:37] 10, for we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. Friends, I'm praying for you as you keep on stepping. See you next time.