Stolen Identity Part I: Recognizing and Combating Thieves of Your Value

In this episode of 'Steps to Trusting,' Erin Michele is joined by Mary Rooney Armand, author, and creator of the blog ButterflyLiving.org, to discuss the concept of secure identity and 'identity thieves.' Key takeaways include understanding how fear, unforgiveness, pride, and disappointment can undermine our sense of identity in Christ and practical steps to overcome these obstacles. Mary shares personal anecdotes, including her encounter with a barracuda, to illustrate how faith can help us 'spear the fear.' The discussion also touches on distinguishing between identity and value, and the importance of living authentically in alignment with God's design.

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Connect with Erin Michele Smith at www.erinmichele.net

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Connect with Mary Rooney Armand at www.butterflyliving.org 

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www.instagram.com/butterflyliving_

www.twitter.com/maryrarmand

www.linkedin.com/in/maryrooneyarmand

00:00 Introduction to Steps to Trusting

00:10 Understanding Identity with Mary Rooney Armand

00:50 Defining Identity and Value

03:13 Overcoming Identity Thieves: Fear

08:50 Overcoming Identity Thieves: Unforgiveness

12:17 Overcoming Identity Thieves: Pride

17:13 Authenticity and Connection

21:18 Overcoming Identity Thieves: Disappointment

21:44 Conclusion and Next Steps

Transcript

Stolen Identity Part I: Recognizing and Combating Thieves of Your Value

[00:00:00] Erin Michele: Hi, I'm Erin Michelle. Welcome to Steps to Trusting. At Steps to Trusting, it's my goal to meet you where you are in your faith journey, and to encourage you to continue to take steps to trusting the Lord more fully. On today's episode, we're going to be talking about secure identity and learning about identity thieves.

[00:00:15] If you find yourself striving to earn a status or questioning who you are based on life circumstances, this episode is for you. I'm joined by Mary, Rooney Armand. Mary is an author, a speaker, and a creator of the blog, butterfly living. org, where she focuses on the truth of transformation that allows people to walk in newness of life.

[00:00:36] Welcome to the show, Mary.

[00:00:37] Mary Ronney Armand: Thank you. Thank you. I love to talk about identity and I'm honored to be here with you today, Erin.

[00:00:43] Erin Michele: Well, thank you. And I guess I wanted to just kind of start really basic with that idea of identity. So how specifically would you define identity?

[00:00:53] Mary Ronney Armand: Well, identity, if you think about a fingerprint, we have a unique fingerprint. Our fingerprint never changes. When we age, anything we alter, it's unique. And it's just a beautiful image because that's how God created us, spirit, mind, body, soul. We're unique. And when we embrace that and realize that we're created in God's image, it truly changes everything.

[00:01:21] When you really embrace your identity in Christ.

[00:01:25] Erin Michele: I love that picture of how it never changes. Just like a fingerprint. That's beautiful. And I guess sometimes I find that it's hard to separate the idea of identity and value. How would you kind of describe that difference between the two? 

[00:01:42] Mary Ronney Armand: So value is tied to identity and God promises three things. We are loved. So you're loved by the creator of the world. Your value just shot up. You're forgiven. Nothing you have done, I have done, is beyond his forgiveness. Okay, that's valuable. And I'm called, you're called, everyone listening is called.

[00:02:05] So we're loved, we're forgiven, and we're called. With those three promises, that just makes me feel valuable. That's unchangeable. So my fingerprint, my identity is unchangeable. Again, I can make mistakes. I can take wrong turns. I'm still valuable. I'm still unique. I'm still loved. I'm still forgiven. I'm still called.

[00:02:26] And it doesn't matter if I'm 10 or 110. All of that applies. I'm still called if I'm 110. That means if I'm breathing, I have a call on my life. Something to do today, God is calling me to do that's exciting,

[00:02:42] Erin Michele: It is exciting.

[00:02:43] Mary Ronney Armand: exciting, and that should make us feel we're of great value.

[00:02:48] Erin Michele: Yeah. I love kind of even just starting off with that base because it's almost starting with the promises and knowing those promises, we still walk through challenges in our life and hardship and, and places where we don't feel valued and we don't feel that our identity is I don't know. Maybe it's, we don't feel that our identity is valued, but so I want to kind of dig into some of those things that some of the listeners may be feeling.

[00:03:13] And I heard you use the term identity thieves. I've never heard that before. So I was wondering if you could tell us a little bit about this concept of identity thieves.

[00:03:23] Mary Ronney Armand: Absolutely. So there's probably thousands of identity babies because we're unique. We have different triggers, different experiences. But when I wrote this. I wrote it for a talk I was doing at a church. I really gave it some thought as to the top identity themes. And in my opinion, the first one is fear.

[00:03:45] Fear is huge. Hidden fear, big fear, little fear, and it really prevents us from living out our identity. So overcoming fear with faith is critical to taking our steps along our journey. And I really do believe it stumps many of us. It stumped me and it can still creep in. I can still feel that little fear wanting to come on, on me in certain situations.

[00:04:13] And so that's the number one fear. I think it's, I think it's, I call it the headliner,

[00:04:17] Erin Michele: Yeah.

[00:04:18] Mary Ronney Armand: the headliner of the bullying identity. Thank you.

[00:04:20] Erin Michele: Yes. I love how you gave the headliner of the thieves, right? And yet you also said overcoming it by faith. How, how would you, maybe could you describe a time in your life where you were able to overcome the fear from stealing your identity? Yeah.

[00:04:47] Mary Ronney Armand: all the time. So years ago, I was on a work trip. I had one in the Bahamas and we went on a snorkeling trip and I was a little afraid of scuba diving, snorkeling in this big sea of water, but I did it. I put on the glasses and as soon as I got in the water, I looked.

[00:05:06] and there was a barracuda headed for me. Now at the time I did not know it was a barracuda. I just saw sharp teeth. I've learned a lot about barracudas since this happened. He really wasn't coming to attack me as I probably not, but at the time that's what it seemed like. So you can imagine I panicked. I scrambled back to the boat.

[00:05:27] Everyone was screaming at this point barracuda, barracuda. So that's what I, how I knew what it was. The guide took a spear, killed the barracuda and brought it up on the boat, immediately diminished the enemy. And so I always think spear the fear. Anytime, it's a great visual that barracuda wasn't as taunting as I thought it was.

[00:05:49] Most things we fear never happen. And so we really have to learn to spear the fear in here. Because that's where it starts, right? that's my little saying, spear the fear.

[00:06:02] Erin Michele: So, and what would you say maybe an example that you use to spear the fear would be?

[00:06:09] Mary Ronney Armand: Oh gosh, I can tell you, I used to struggle a lot of fear. I have a whole blog post on fear because it really was huge. It was not a barracuda. It was like a shark in my life. It was huge. My children, you know, when my children were, were young. Thinking they're going to die every time we went somewhere or when you have a newborn and you're so afraid that they're not going to wake up the next day that was huge for me to, to release my children and see they were a gift and that I was their guardian, but I had to let go of that grip.

[00:06:46] I had to spear the fear that was, again, in my thoughts and release my children. That was a big one.

[00:06:53] Erin Michele: Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:06:54] Mary Ronney Armand: Because this is what happens. And this is what happened with me. Whatever the fear for you fill in the blank, a new job, meeting a new friend, trusting your child's going to be okay when they go to school, whatever it is, if we get consumed by that fear, it becomes an idol. Because it will take over our thought life.

[00:07:15] And that's what I really learned that I was really putting my kids in an unhealthy position and it was interfering with my relationship with God. And that's what fear does. It's a huge obstacle. Absolutely,

[00:07:32] Erin Michele: kind of thinking about when you're saying releasing it, maybe the false identity of thinking you know, That I need to be their protector, which you are in some ways, their protector, right? You are, they are under your care, but, you say, you can put people in the place of an idol in your life.

[00:07:49] I think we can put ourselves in a place that's too high, too, too elevated. And,

[00:07:54] Mary Ronney Armand: absolutely. 

[00:07:56] Erin Michele: I'm trying to think of how to say this, but maybe stepping into a place that might. Might be a place where God, God should be right. That place where God is the one who's ultimately in control.

[00:08:07] He's the ultimate per provider and protector of their lives. And so he gives us a piece of that responsibility, but we also have to trust him for the places that we can't hold on to that. So I guess I don't know. I'm just thinking of that false identity. And. Instead of kind of coming under who God is and, and what our role is underneath him, we've kind of tried to step into that identity of like, these are the responsibilities that I have to do.

[00:08:35] And this is who I am when we can actually rest in the provision of who God is 

[00:08:40] Mary Ronney Armand: and that's a beautiful word, rest. Because it's exhausting. Fear is exhausting. Actually. All these identity thieves are exhausting.

[00:08:48] Erin Michele: Yeah. Yeah. I, so as you say, all these identity thieves, what are some other ones that are close to your headliner?

[00:08:56] Mary Ronney Armand: Okay, so next is unforgiveness, because I call forgiving a superpower. Unforgiveness destroys so many relationships, but it can also, we can not forgive ourselves. So, it's this huge brick that gets in the way of our journey. And if we don't get rid of that thief, it takes root and becomes bitterness. And it keeps getting deeper and deeper and deeper to where nobody will want to be around us.

[00:09:28] Because we're carrying around all these offenses throughout our day. And that is not shining the light of Christ. It's quite the opposite. Yeah,

[00:09:46] Erin Michele: And yeah, I'm just trying to think of like, I, I love that picture of us being on unchanging that God has given us an identity of who we are. And it's almost like we forget who we are. And we're living under some other definition of our identity instead of living in the true identity that's been given to us.

[00:10:08] Would you say that?

[00:10:09] Mary Ronney Armand: that's why they're thieves because you know, the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy. And so every day. You have to restore your identity. It's there. So think of a seed, you know, if you plant a seed, whatever that seed is, that is what it is, right? If it's going to be a rose, it's a rose, but a lot of things can happen to that seed that it may not reach its full potential.

[00:10:37] It may never bloom. And what a tragedy If we never reach our full potential, there's so many avenues we can take with our identity. But there's one that God calls us to, and it's the best one. A life with Christ is better. And, and so all these counterfeits that come in, try to lie and say, this is better.

[00:11:00] Hold on to that unforgiveness. You're right. My rights, that feels better, but it really doesn't feel better. It starts eating you up and again, killing off your seeds, ability to sprout love, joy.

[00:11:17] Erin Michele: Yeah. I'm just thinking I I'm constantly talking about tensions on the podcast and, and I think. You've kind of brought up one here between there is an identity that's there, but we can actually not live into that fullness of that identity, the blooming seed, right? And so there's a tension in this, something that we do and something that God has already done and continue to do in us.

[00:11:44] How would you describe, because I, I believe that's, that's, God is fully able to do more than we can ask or imagine, right. Even in our identities. And so I'm always trying to like, again, the show's called steps to trusting. Right. But it's like, we have to take these active steps. We want to trust.

[00:12:04] And so it's like this participation in that, how would you kind of describe that participation of blooming into your identity? But knowing that God is the one who has created it and has done it for us.

[00:12:16] Mary Ronney Armand: That's a great question. And it kind of ties into the other thief is pride. So your question ties into that because. The reason pride is a thief is because if I elevate myself, then I am reducing someone else. Anytime I think I'm better. And so the only person is God that can give me that true value. You know, being my own God again is exhausting and it doesn't work.

[00:12:42] And so we have to continually restore and humble ourselves before God so that pride does not steal our identity. And it can, it's so easy for pride to seep in. I mean, you can go to the store and you're next in line and someone doesn't see you and they call the other person and you can all say like, that was my right to be next in line.

[00:13:07] I mean, pride creeps up in these tiny little ways, but if you're humble and continually working to restore that humility and surrender to God, the Holy Spirit will say, that's not your right. If there's a bigger, bigger picture in this scenario, it's not about you being first, I don't know the whole story.

[00:13:29] So I think that's always toggling that. That desire to be right, the desire to be elevated, especially in the culture we live in. And God saying, you know, no, you're a servant. Your values in me. And if we don't humble ourself before God, God, we will not fully bloom. We might have some sprouts that look pretty good on the outside, but on the inside, We are not fully blooming.

[00:13:56] Erin Michele: Yeah, I, I really appreciate that explanation and just thinking about I guess one of the things I hear you saying in that, that idea of us restoring is really a surrendering to what God has given to us. Right. And it's like we're stepping into that is the way that we restore that. And it's a belief and believing that what he says about us is true.

[00:14:17] Mary Ronney Armand: Yep, and a good check for pride. So am I defined by admiration? Acceptance? Is that what I'm defined? Or accomplishment? Those three A's, if those start defining me instead of my identity in Christ, Then maybe pride's out of whack. Maybe my pride is rearing its head. Fertilizing my soil and making me not blossom. 

[00:14:41] Erin Michele: Could you say the three A's again? 

[00:14:43] Mary Ronney Armand: Admiration, accomplishment, and acceptance. 

[00:14:46] Erin Michele: I just want to let that simmer for a second because I really, I really like that. Yeah. 

[00:14:50] Mary Ronney Armand: It's a good check. You know, because you think, Oh, that felt good. Someone said something nice. Of course it feels good when someone says something nice, right? We're human. Okay. Is that taking residence? Like maybe I am better. You know, it's about being defined. It's not saying acceptance is bad. We want to be accepted.

[00:15:11] We're accepted by Christ. We want to be admired, right? It's not, it's more when it, the key word is defined. What are we defined by? And of course, accomplishment, we all, you know, we're called to purpose. We're, we're supposed to be working, but is that my identity? What I've done? I

[00:15:36] Erin Michele: and that check. I think I'm going to use it probably

[00:15:39] Mary Ronney Armand: don't know where it came from. I don't know if I made that up because I read so much. A lot of stuff that I put in the book is just, You know, I don't know where that came from. Honestly, I may have made it up or I may have read it somewhere, but go ahead and take it. Yes.

[00:16:03] Erin Michele: from us just being. Like accepting these things. And it just makes me think, I think you actually even mentioned about something being a gift to us, but I think about how all the good things that God gives us are gifts, right?

[00:16:17] And often I look at things like accomplishment or admiration or being accepted as something that I earned instead of a gift that can flow from the source that God has offered to me. Right. And so I think. This picture is just putting more words to this growing understanding, trying to understand how do we live in a place where, like you said, of course we like to be accepted.

[00:16:42] Of course we want to be admired. Right. But, but to see that as a gift and not as something that defines us. Yeah. Yeah. I

[00:16:51] Mary Ronney Armand: And you know what, when you, when you keep that perspective, you're authentic

[00:16:56] Erin Michele: yeah.

[00:16:57] Mary Ronney Armand: and, and that's more attractive than any accomplishment, you know, that you can ever. Being authentic and being able to love people. That's possible when we get rid of these thieves, right? You

[00:17:13] Erin Michele: try and refocus us after this, but I want to chase this little I think the, the word authentic being authentic is kind of like a buzzword in our culture.

[00:17:21] And just saying like, Oh, be authentic. So how would you define being authentic?

[00:17:26] Mary Ronney Armand: some good deep questions. Again, it's tied to identity and we can be lots of things. We can create lots of identities, but when we're authentic, I believe we're in line with who God calls us to be. So for example, I don't like to cook. I do cook for my kids, but I believe if I worked on cooking, which I have, I'm a better cook than I was, but I'm not a good cook.

[00:17:55] Like it's just not. my identity. That's just not something. It's just, there's a whole story about that with my family, but I could act like I was a good cook and I could convince you that I was a good cook. I know the lingo because I've cooked a lot of things. I've worked on it. I could talk cooking with you.

[00:18:13] I really could. But instead, if you and I are chatting and I say, Erin, I'm going to be honest with you. I don't like to cook and I'm not very good at it, but it's okay. I'm okay. Wow. That disarms the whole conversation. And if you take that in a deeper, not just cooking, an emotional or an accomplishment that a bigger accomplishment, it really changes the atmosphere and conversations when you're authentic and say,

[00:18:43] Or you say, I don't understand. It's just being true to who you are in that moment. That doesn't mean you reveal everything to everyone all the time. That's not what authentic. It's just, you're real, you're who you are, and you're confident enough to be real. I'm confident enough to say, Erin, I'm uncomfortable with.

[00:19:06] Is that okay?

[00:19:08] Erin Michele: I love what you're saying. And it's, it's just making me think about the idea of our desire to be seen and known. And it's, it's really the authenticness is letting people see us and know us as we are.

[00:19:21] Mary Ronney Armand: That's right. 

[00:19:22] Erin Michele: I just see that, that in the, in this culture we see authentic as showing the good and the bad of what's happening in your life.

[00:19:30] But it's really become willing to say the hard things in your life and not just saying the honest thing, but to show the hard thing. And I think there's been this shift of like wanting to let people see us, but, but to just. Be honest in the good and bad. I think when somebody is going through something hard, it's hard to say like I'm going through something good.

[00:19:51] I don't know. Just sharing what's actually true instead of just trying to find the thing that would, I don't know, just kind of like appease, like, Oh, my life is hard. I think that sometimes people want to go to that. Like, I'll show you what's hard in my life. And then that becomes like a focus instead of just an honesty.

[00:20:11] Mary Ronney Armand: Well, if, if I'm trying to truly connect with you, I have to put myself aside at some point in the conversation. So, if you're sharing something, happy or bad, and I kidnap the conversation, and the next thing we know we're talking about me, good or bad, well, that doesn't really breathe connection. And that's not authentic. Authentic connection is, I hear you, Erin, wow, this is what it makes me think of. Do you see that? That's true connection.

[00:20:43] Erin Michele: Yeah,

[00:20:44] Mary Ronney Armand: In my deepest relationships, we can do that. And it's vulnerable. You have to be vulnerable

[00:20:50] Erin Michele: Yes,

[00:20:51] Mary Ronney Armand: to be authentic.

[00:20:52] Erin Michele: yeah. Sometimes it's easier to hide than to invite somebody into actually seeing who you really are and, and really

[00:21:00] Mary Ronney Armand: It's easier to hide and sometimes you have to hide. Not everyone's safe, but when you do have a safe place that's where you can learn to be vulnerable and authentic so that you can take that in a different stage and be authentic, even though it's not the same type of authenticity.

[00:21:18] And the fourth one I didn't cover was disappointment. So all of these, disappointment is a huge because disappointment will come. We probably get disappointed every day. Little bitty disappointments and big disappointments, right? But if we don't take care of disappointment, it grows into discouragement, which then affects everything in our life.

[00:21:39] So fear. Unforgiveness, pride, and disappointment 

[00:21:44] Erin: friends, thank you for joining us today. Please join us back for the next episode and the continuation of the conversation where Mary and I will discuss how these identity thieves affect relationship as well as look at identity restorers, at what she calls identity restorers. Please join us back for the next episode and the continuation of the conversation where Mary and I will don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss what's coming. Thanks again for joining us. If you are encouraged, please share this episode with a friend.

[00:22:08] I would love for these episodes It's used as conversation starters for you and friends to talking about how you can encourage each other to growth.

[00:22:15] If you want to connect with me, you can find me at ErinMichele. net. I hope you join us back here next time, but until then, I wanted to leave you with this reminder from Ephesians 2. 10, for we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. Friends, I'm praying for you as you keep on stepping.